I'm not afraid of death

I'm not afraid of death,

I'm seeking it now.

I'm not meant to live,

I'm not made for this life.

When I finally ask for help after a year

I'm left alone with it all.

Nobody really listens,

nobody wants to.

And they can't take the truth,

they ask how I am

but they don't want to know,

they act surprised I'm not ok

and don't want to hear I'm suicidal,

every day and every night.

Guess how this makes me feel,

to be expected to fight for life,

a life I can't do,

a life I can't survive.

What if it wouldn't be so hard?

What if sex was good and wouldn't hurt?

What if I wouldn't be ashamed of how I look?

What if I wouldn't need validation that he like what he sees?

What if I could fully let myself go?

What if it wouldn't all be so damn hard?

I would like to feel free and whole for once.

I would like to not be a burden at this issue, too.

We fell once

Same city, same street, I remember 

but now it's like I don't even know you.

You act like you don't know my name,

do we have to be strangers?

Cause we fell in love once.

 

 It was new year's eve,

we stood on a balcony,

and you told me you want to be friends.

You don't want to risk losing me,

but when the fireworks lit up the sky

you kissed me.

You said you don't want to lose me

as a friend,

then you kissed me again.

 

We fell in love once.

You got mean and suddenly

fighting for a friend was no option,

 and it was like we never fell, once.

Felix

Keiner hat daran gedacht, was das mit uns Kindern macht...

Run away

I just wanna leave.

I just wanna run.

Far far away,

from being the unfortunate ones.

I can't keep up

with the pace of the world,

the way it spins right round.

I'm swimming against the current,

I'm unwanted and loud.

We're not meant to be here,

we don't fit in.

So let's run away,

somewhere we can begin.

Hurt

Suddenly reminded of that one male friend who suddenly saw me as his property, and was jealous often. Once he forbade me to bring something to a friend, stood close to my car to stop me from driving there, then followed me with his car to confront me that I (accidentally) drove over his foot. I was so fucking scared and drove off again. And still I saw it as a normal thing. Cause yes, I'm so fucking used to be treated like shit just because I'm a woman.

I've been suicidal for most of my life, so I don't plan for the future. All plans before got shattered anyway.