A letter to the girl I used to be

A letter to the girl I used to be.

Dear ******,

everytime I look into the mirror I see a face that I don't recognize. And even if I look down to my hands, they just don't look like they're mine.

After all this time I'm wondering where you've been. I haven't seen you in a very long time, and I'm afraid you left.

A long time ago, you imagined being split in two, and you created two sides to define who you are. And one of them is me. But now I'm wondering if there's anything left of you. 

Sometimes, there's a picture glowing up like ember in my mind. It's a picture of you. I see your happiness as a kid. And then I see it fading. I see all the stones putting pressure on you, and how you stopped smiling. How it all became too much.

You always said how you're not coming out of this alive. Now I'm 25, and you were right. Sadly I don't remember when you started fading. Your name doesn't feel like it's mine too.

I'm scared. And I still don't know if it's better now since you're not here anymore. I don't know, if this letter should be an apology or not. 

Even though you're gone and Leyla took a place, I still don't know how long she'll make it. I am sorry, that our process is so slow. And that you wonder if you ever had a place. You did. And I wish you'd still do.

Yours,

Leila

P.S.: I wonder who you've been.

Ethan Smith - A Letter to the girl I used to be